Life as I know it...

So, since I'm sitting here not sleeping (regular occurrence lately), thought I'd jot down a few of my recent ups and downs. It's been an interesting holiday - quite a roller coaster (both literally - at Disneyland - and figuratively w/my emotions). Crazy stuff.

So, I had so much fun in Disneyland! Really, I did, but it also made me think a lot about how much fun my husband would have had there with me. And being around several couples didn't help that. Not that it makes me angry - I love all my great friends I was with, but it did raise my awareness of my current social status. I struggled a bit at nights, but still had a fabulous time all in all. Then I got home...

Being at home alone after being with so many people for a week, it really struck hard. I had a harder time than I've had in a long while. Almost in a full panic one night....not so fun. And it didn't help that I was coming up on the holidays. I have kind of a love-hate relationship with this time of year. Lots of milestones, lots of joy, lots of tears.

Christmas ended up going well, though. After a lot of love, support, and help from friends and family, I was feeling much better. I got to spend some quality time with my in-laws, which was so nice. It really helped to be able to discuss things with them, and my nieces and nephews are so great, I can't help but cheer up around them. We had a great Christmas!

Today I celebrated (sort of) what would have been my 5th wedding anniversary. I worked most of the day, then my siblings took me out for dinner. So nice of them! We had a great time as we ate and talked, and then we played games at my sister's place. All in all, a pretty good day, considering. It's getting tougher as I prepare for bed - alone again. But I think I'll be alright. There are good, if painful, memories I have of this time. And, as a good friend has reminded me recently, it's important to remember the important and eternal things that this day really does symbolize. Alone or not, this day signifies good things, past and future.

Now I get to prepare for New Year's, also a tough time, as it would have been Gentry's 31st birthday on Jan 1st. I'll be thinking of him (which I do every day, but probably more at these times). I'll also be taking care to surround myself with people who help me feel happy. I'm very lucky to have good friends and family all around me. Couldn't get through life without them!!